Stop Hurting, my Tortured Heart
by Pavi's Only Girl
Summary: This is an idea I got after watching an episode of a series where a girl was attending the wedding of her loved one to someone else. The only difference? In that series, that girl was secretly his lover and in reality he only really loved that girl and not the one he was marrying...


It sucks doesn't it? Being stuck at a wedding that, not only it is not yours, but it is the wedding of your love... to another woman. That is what I felt when I saw him standing at the altar, waiting for her. Complete and total envy... Jealousy... A wish to attack that filthy girl my Pavi was marrying and kill her with the most painful of ways imaginable. And make it slow. Excruciating. How did she even dare lay a hand on my own cousin and secret love of my life?

I never told him. I never had it in me to go and tell him what I felt for him for a long time now. And I was fully and mercilessly regretting right at that moment, with Luigi at one side of me and Amber on the other, smiling at the guests but, of course, never meaning it. I also didn't mean any of the slight smiles I gave people that day.

After the wedding ceremony was over with, I thought the worse had passed and was behind me for good. How wrong was I! I had gotten away with a few shed tears while they were getting married right in front of me. I couldn't break them up though. I would surely interrupt when the priest asked if there was anyone who was against this union, if it was not for Luigi's sudden and sharp glare at me right then- a warning not to do anything stupid or else I would pay it. I'm still not sure how much Luigi wants me to be happy and how much he wants me to suffer. So, I lowered my head in fear and never said anything. I've always wanted my Pavi's happiness and if he was happy with her... With this... pathetic excuse of a woman who stood next to him with such a pride, showing everyone how lucky she was to have him. And how much I wanted to rip her apart at that moment, even inside the church. Make him mine. No matter what the cost.

"Here. Have a martini." Amber came nextto me, offering me my poison for the night. She smirked and winked at me. "Martini for Tini." She laughed pleasantly.

"Tini?" I sighed and pouted, looking at my glass and twirling my finger around its edges. "That's how /he/ used to call me."

"Still does. And you like it when Pavi calls you this."

"And why exactly are we talking about him.. again?" I looked at her after taking a sip from Pavi's favorite drink.

Amber shrugged. "You love talking about your... amore at all times. You never fool me. ...When I am sober at least." Giggled my female cusin and left me with my martini to drawn the misery of that day.

Some time passed before the couple came to meet their guests, a wonderful music playing as they entered and a round of applause and whistles were heard all around me. I left my now half-empty glass on the table I has sat at and clapped but with less intensity than I would normally had.

They went to the huge wedding cake which was cutely decorated and had a groom and a bride on top of it, smiling at the guests. The same music that played when Pavi and his... wife entered kept playing now that they happily cut the first piece of the cake and gave each other a spoonfull, then taking a sip of shampagne, linking their arms and unlinking them after sipping, like couples do. At that moment, I thought I saw myself where she stood. I kissed his mask's lips instead of her. No matter how much I wanted it, I couldn't look away. At the same time, my eyes hurt but my heart ached more at the sight in front of me. He was so handsome it hurt my stomach. He was like an angel, glowing with happiness. I felt a mechanic movement my arm made, lifting my glass of martini and smiling at him. Only at him. And he smiled back at me,lifting his own glass and drinking while looking at me. My smile grew. He was looking at me. And then, he turned away, grinning at his new wife and kissing her as everyone asked for a deep kiss. I couldn't stand the applause then. Not for this... I felt sick in my stomach and got up with a deep sigh, feeling ready to pass out but I didn't have the time to reach any firther than a column as Luigi took ahold of my arm and kept me there.

"Where do you think you're going, Tina?"

I just looked up at him. "Please..." I begged but I couldn't continue my line as another song played. It was this. A romantic Italian aong that I was always listening in my room and reminded me of him. It was a secret. That song always reminded me of him and once, I had even dreamt of him and I getting married while that song played. My eyes blinked and were casted down, too scared to look up at Pavi and his wife as it was time for their first dance. I could feel my heart ready to burst out of my chest and I was sure Luigi could hear it.

"Stay here. Or else pop will suspect." Luigi's harsh whisper got me out of my thoughts as he left me there and walked to out table, making sure that I was still there by looking back at some points.

My head was lifted and moved towards the couple against my will. I didn't want to see them, I didn't want to see him dancing with another woman to /our/ song! But yet, I did. My eyebrows furrowed at the horrible and at the same time so beautiful sight of a newly married couple dancing right in front of me. Tears threatened to prickle out of my eyes, they burned and made me sniffle as I leaned onto the huge column next to me for support, certain that I would fall down if I didn't. I felt even more sick than earlier but still, my eyes would never look away from them. Placing a trembling hand on my heart, I surely saw him looking at me at one point and curiously letting his eyes cast upon me, probably wondering why I was there instead of seated at my table. It was then that my eyes let two drops of tears fall and create wet lines on my cheeks, as they looked at him and only. He furrowed his brows at the sight of me crying silently there but a stroke from his wife on his arm made him look back at her and grin, keeping his dance as if nothing happened.

Oh how my heat ached! How much pain... I pushed my hand on the column to stand up better and ran out of the reception room and out in the fabulously lit garden. I didn't care about what Luigi would do or what uncle Rotti would understand. I couldn't bare it. By the time I reached a marble bench, the song had ended and powerful applause was heard from inside. Thankfully no one had tried to stop me or came outside to find me. All I wanted was to be either with him or alone. I needed no one else.

Soon, another song played. Another romantic one, a song that Pavi and I could dance together. But no. He was inside, dancing with his new wife.

"Shall we-a dance, Tini Martini?" Pavi's soft voice was heard from the back and I gasped, turning my teary face towards him, my eyes wide.

"You must be inside!" I cried out of shock.

He smiled and came to sit next to me. "Her papa asked-a for this dance so-a I found the opportunity to-a dance with my cugina." He said.

I furrowed my eyebrows and bit my lower lip. His 'cugina'. I would be nothing more than just his cousin all my life.

"So-a?" He smiled more, offering his hand to me and getting up. How I ached still. Oh God, it would be better if he had stayed inside instead.

Still, I smiled and took ahold of his delicate hand, gulping an slowly moving to him as he gently enclosed me in his arms and we started slow-dancing to the second song that reminded me of him and only I knew about this fact. We moved there, in the garden, dancing, our hearts beating against each other. I could feel his absent-minded smile as he guided me, not looking at each other but dancing with the way two lovers do.

And there, into his arms for the last time in my life, I closed my eyes, letting tears run freely down my cheeks. How much it hurt...


End file.
